Angels On The Moon

This is my most recent obsession, thanks to a great friend for introducing me to it ;).

Sample

Here's a little something I wrote back in High School. Now that I have my internet connection at home you can expect more of this to follow, however only a few of you will get to read everything :).

Enjoy!

I tiptoe the midline of Route 139 and feel the summer breeze of 1986
strawberries and cream on the back porch of grandma’s house
overalls and hay fields on an old john deere and
grandpa’s rough hands still holding a fragile love and
growing older riding on an old ceramic cow pretending to shoot down all the bad guys and never getting used to the smell of a farm but finding comfort there still and
eating supper at 4:00 in the afternoon and playing bingo for gum balls and
each day that passed was a new adventure for me to behold
daisies in fields for me to pick and vegetables in grandpa’s garden and
as years passed the visits grew shorter and the time passed more quickly and
school took the place of the grandpa’s life lessons and I bought my own gum balls and
I out grew the old ceramic cow and could no longer find the bad guys or
feel the rough hands that held our fragile love and
I still love the feel of the breeze on my face as I walk the midline of Route 139

Take Me Back

As I was digging through our "room of shame" last night, looking for my empty Christmas tubs, to FINALLY put away the tree, I happened upon one filled with some of my old stuff. Laying on top were 3 notebooks, first a small green journal sized one, the second a teal standard smead notebook and the third one covered with random magazine clippings that had been set into a collage on the cover. The teal and collage notebooks were full of "notes" that my best friend and I had written back and forth to each other throughout my sophmore year in HS. The smaller notebook was my writing journal from my creative writing class. It's chock full of a HS girl's best writing, poems, streams of thought, everything. What a time warp that ended up to be.



As I thumbed through the notebook, I could feel what it was like sitting in that class, one of my favorites, actually. We had a young teacher, who was always dressed in a slightly hippy manner, perfect for creative writing. I could remember what each exercise she had us do was as I turned the pages. There was the day we brought in music and just wrote down everything that came to mind as we listened, our What is project, where we wrote poems based on government, music and other general subjects. My favorite though, was our stream of consciousness. Anything and everything that you though you wrote, mine was 3 pages full. I wish I could go back to that class, I truly miss writing...

Toward the back of the notebook, I also found a poem I had written to Brian, long before he and I ever were a couple. It amazed me that even 11 years ago I must have known we were destined for each other. I'll post the poem up sometime later, but the feelings it brought back were amazing. I didn't say anything to him about how it made me feel, though I did have him read it. He didn't really react, but I don't know what I was expecting him to say or do anyway. It probably means more to me because I know what I felt when I wrote it and to him, they're just words.

I'm starting to be inspired to write again, I'm hoping I can take the time to do it. One of the assigments in the book had a note from my teacher that said "Jen, I expect great things from you. You have the desire to write, more than others...and I expect you to try and be published someday". Throughout life we wait to know that someone thinks we're good at what we're doing, I had it handed to me 11 years ago and didn't do anything with it. I was *going* to go to school for writing, I was just *going* to work for a year first and then go to college...somehow life got in the way of that. I can't go back and fix it and I may have to do some serious searching to find what was alive in me back then.

Gone but not forgotten

My husband's grandmother passed away last Friday. I was out of town when he called me, standing in the middle of a Kroger grocery store in Indiana to be exact. He wasn't going to call, but his brother (correctly) suggested that he should let me know, even if I was on "vacation" for the weekend. I took in the information, asked him a million times if he wanted me to come home and, after he assured me I should stay, put it away. I just shut it off in my head. I thought about it, but couldn't react to it. I went through the rest of the weekend, accomplishing what I was there to do, spend time with my friend who I don't see very often and finish my Bachelorette scrapbook.

On the drive home I thought about Grandma Porter, all of the times I got to spend with her, what a truly classy lady she was, how I always enjoyed her stories and how she always made me feel like I was family, even 6 years ago when I was B's "new" girlfriend. I still didn't react though, I just thought.

Her memorial service is tomorrow. Starting at 9am and going until 2:30pm. I'm nervous. I'm afraid the emotion that has been sitting in reserve will spill out and I'll be a big mess. I'm afraid that the things I haven't "dealt" with yet will flood over me and some one is going to have to mop me off the floor. I'm also afraid that this won't happen, I'll stay composed and the emotions will be held in reserve again.

I don't know how to cope with this one. I can still hear her voice telling stories in my head, almost as if she's right there next to me. I can see her face, and her wide smile. She had such a soothing tone, so soft spoken and so full of love. I keep feeling that if I had known the last time was the last, I would have given her a bigger, tighter goodbye hug.

Cross your fingers for me that I make it through tomorrow retaining some form of composure, but letting myself grieve too. I hope my husband can do the same, I don't think he's completely dealt with it either.

The Difference

Jenn: Some days I am reminded how much I truly love you...today is one of those days.

Brian: Oh yeah? Neat....

[sigh]

I'm going home to an empty house for, what feels like, the millionth time...in reality it's not, but I've noticed how much I hate my "alone" time right now. All I want to do is spend time with the one I love and all he wants to do is something else. We're already on different schedules 3 out of the 5 work days each week. I'm clinging to every minute I get to spend with him and it feels like he doesn't mind throwing the minutes away. I'm probably just being selfish and unfair, but I've waited 11 years to be able to spend time ALONE with him and now, even though he'll say it isn't the case, he's never here...

Guess it's dinner for one again tonight...

MmmBop!

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every section of your life, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new section, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool and no disclaimers allowed.

Opening Credits: "Nobody Knows" Tony Rich Project
Waking Up: "The Lights of London" David Gray
First Day At School: "Celebration" Kool & The Gang
Falling In Love: "Let Forever Be" Chemical Brothers
Fight Song: "The Crying Game" Culture Club
Breaking Up: "Something To Remember" Madonna
Prom: "Leave It Inside (Acoustic)" Toby Lightman
Mental Breakdown: "Might Love" Bob Carlisle
Driving: "Redneck Woman" Gretchen Wilson
Flashback: "Smooth Criminal" Alien Antfarm
Getting back together: "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" Culture Club
Wedding: "Uninvited" Alanis Morrisette
Birth of Child: "Fall From Grace" Amanda Marshall
Final Battle: "Cool" Gwen Stefani
Death Scene: "Unlove Me" Julie Roberts

Wow are there some winners in there...seriously who the fuck has been messin' with my iTunes account???