If you wanna know

If he loves you so, it's in his kiss...


Yep, that's where it is <3...

Still Waiting....

Good things come to those who wait...

Or at least I hope so. It's been almost 2 weeks since the talk and I'm not sure much has changed. Knowing it won't be an automatic switch, it's still hard to feel like I got through. While I did get the best foot rub I've had in years last night, I'm not sure it was done for the reason I'd hoped for.

Still waiting...

This too shall pass....or at least I hope it will

When you find the one you're going to spend your life with, magic happens. You get butterflies, you smile, laugh and love more than you ever thought you were capable of. You learn from one another through the happy memories, and the difficult times. When you face obstacles you face them together. But what happens when you've finally settled in and gotten comfortable and one of you starts to miss the butterflies?

I've been in a bit of a "funk" for the last week. I had to really think about how to approach my issue with my husband, but I finally figured it out Saturday morning. I had planned to talk to him Friday, but when the man you love tells you "I'm happy. I love my wife and our little dog and the home we have here", how do you then say "I'm not so happy?". I just couldn't do it. I woke up with it on my mind Saturday though and after coffee and some random show on t.v., I turned to my hubby and bit the bullet.

I am a VERY passionate and romantic person, I always have been. It's a part of me I let get pushed aside a lot and it finally made its way to the front again. My husband is the logical one. He doesn't understand flowers and gooshy cards. I've been able to learn his "language". He however cannot get his brain around mine. Romance and "raw" passion do not make logical sense to him and he's let them completely fall from his vocabulary.

I knew the convesation wasn't going to be easy or pleasant (I cried, I knew I would), but it was absolutely necessary. If I can make an effort to learn his language, he must be willing to make an effort to learn mine. I probably made him feel awful and it was not my intention to do so, but he needed to know where I was and why I had been so distracted and distant for the last week.

I'll let you know how it turns out, this will not be an overnight change and I'm not entirely certain we won't have to visit it again, but right now I'm taking comfort in the fact that he knows and it is up to him to decide where we go from here. I trust him to make the right decision.

[sigh]

I'm going home to an empty house for, what feels like, the millionth time...in reality it's not, but I've noticed how much I hate my "alone" time right now. All I want to do is spend time with the one I love and all he wants to do is something else. We're already on different schedules 3 out of the 5 work days each week. I'm clinging to every minute I get to spend with him and it feels like he doesn't mind throwing the minutes away. I'm probably just being selfish and unfair, but I've waited 11 years to be able to spend time ALONE with him and now, even though he'll say it isn't the case, he's never here...

Guess it's dinner for one again tonight...

Ahhh...

Okay ladies, you can all be totally jealous, but my husband kicks some major ass. I had a Chiropractor appointment tonight, which happens every other Tuesday and Brian goes with. Tonight we met, sat down and had our adjustments. After mine, Dr. G. said he wanted them to do some "soft tissue" work on my back, made sense to me b/c it had been really sore the past couple days. I walk back and one of the therapists takes my chart and walks me into a private room (odd b/c normally you just lay in a room with about 3 beds and they work on your sore spots there. She asks how I'm feeling, I say "fine". She said, "it's been a while since you've had therapy" I agree. She then says "Well you have a half-hour massage tonight" and smiles, then continues with "your husband bought it for you." I was totally shocked caught off guard, super excited, but at the same time the first thought I had was "oh shit, I haven't shaved in a week!"....

Needless to say it was one of the best things on this planet that I have experienced. To top that off I get 4 more! My next one is scheduled (with impeccable timing) for next Wednesday....I'll be sure to shave this time :)